Someone recently said to me,’considering I’ve had a life changing illness, I cope very well.’ I’d not considered EVER, that it had in fact been life changing, of course it has been. It made me feel a bit sorrowful and vulnerable, sort of flawed, less then…….well,……me!
Though hang on a minute……I feel more ME, than ever, alright I’m not so good at walking, or dancing, or doing anything physical much……but most people are more than willing to help you, to lend a hand, or an arm if you ask nicely, remembering your please and Thank yous.
I did read ‘How to stop worrying and start living’ by Dale Carnegie, and ‘The secret’ by Rhonda Byrne, both books have really helped me and continue to help for everything else there’s Andy………..my husband, probably my most favorite person ever, (aren’t partners meant to be that though?)
I am quite giggly anyway, I do have a sense of humor…….that helps, but I get a lot of days when I am ‘Woe is me’, luckily they are few and if I do feel ‘fed up’, I try to get myself out of it by thinking about what I love and what I’d like. Ah-I know the modern thing is,’its ok to be not ok’ and ‘you can’t have good without bad’, but for me the more I allow bad feelings to take hold – the more I struggle to get shot of them, and who wants to feel rubbish?
D’you know a lot of good stuff has come out of being ‘different’, I really appreciate everyone that does anything for me, I swear I have a deeper and closer relationship with Andy, sometimes I can’t remember the name of things…… sometimes I’ll try to describe it and sometimes completely random words suddenly sprout forth, seemingly without any thought, like its automatic….for instance, I was sitting at a table having my nails done ( painted, manicured).A fellow client had got up from her nail technician said ,’goodbye’ and ‘Thank you’, quick as a flash….there was no thinking involved at all but I answered, ‘ok no problem, bye. Luckily all the technicians along with said client found it amusing. And a cute squirrel scurrying over a friends fence…..’Oh look’, a ………rhinoceros,’ says I. Stuff like that!
Another thing that regularly happens ls, my eyes play tricks. Andy often takes me for a walk at Longtimber Woods in Ivybridge, a river runs through it. In a particular part it forms like a pond. It doesn’t matter how often I pass this pond , and the log, half submerged.
‘Oh look, a duck’
‘No it’s a log’, says Andy.
‘Oh look a duck’
‘No still a log’
It’s probably more than my eyes isn’t it? …………….or is it?
I fall over a lot too, which sometimes can be painful, sometimes it can be comical, like when I step on my own feet. Recently I sat on a chair, my foot somehow got trapped underneath it,and I sat down on it. It really hurt! The more I tried to untangle myself the more I sat. Andy said only I could do something like that……… this appealed to my sense of humor. This happens a lot. I get in a kerfuffle……..easily!
Still, this is me now…..at least for the time being, I’ve not given up hope!